for Sir_Excellence

Proofed Paper: ntp172089 - Tue Jan 3 23:19:28 EST 2017

Paper Title: American Foriegn Policy

No. of Pages: 5 pages

Paper Style: APA Paper Type: Research

Taken English? Yes English as Second Language? Yes

Feedback Areas: Topic Development, Transitions & Fluency

Paper Goals: I have to find out how effectively have I written this assignment. And after the

review I have to submit : Identify the top three issues your writing specialist

focused on in your rough draft (e.g., paragraph structure, proper use of quotations,

and thesis statement).

Proofing Summary:

Hi, Riffat,

I’m Kamij, your writing tutor for this assignment. I have reviewed your

submission and have a few suggestions that will help you revise. Please feel

free to contact us through a live chat session with any follow-up questions or for

any clarification.

Below, you will find a revision plan along with margin comments within your

paper. Use my suggestions as a starting point for the revision process. Also,

please note that I have not edited or proofread the entire draft for minor errors,

but rather, focused on overall concerns such as idea development. For a

complete look at your grammar and punctuation, please use the Grammarly

software available under “Writing Center” in your classroom.

For your revisions, I suggest focusing on:

1. Include a thesis statement. Currently, your paper reads like a book report

about foreign policy. A thesis is needed to direct the purpose of the paper. The

thesis statement should include the problem, your proposed solution to that

societal problem, and include the ethical outcomes of the solution. Take a look

at the sample paper for an example of the thesis statement:

2. Be sure to cover all material required by the prompt. This prompt is a

complicated one, to be sure. If you carefully break down the prompt, you will see

that it is asking for you to:

a. discuss the problem,

b. propose a solution to the problem,

c. evaluate the validity, reliability, and biases of the sources you used in addition

to pointing out where more research is needed, and

d. show ethical implications of your proposed solution.

3. Develop your paragraphs more. Your paragraphs are presenting information,

but they do not seem to “say” anything. Each paragraph should develop the

argument for your solution to the problem. In general, all paragraphs need to

have 3 pieces:

P-Point—also known as your topic sentence where you state what the paragraph

is about

I-Information—where you present your information (facts, details, quotes, and reasons)

E-Explanation—where you explain the relevance or importance of your information

Please be sure to do all of this when writing your paragraphs. For help with this,

check out this video tutorial on writing paragraphs:

Good luck in the course, and I hope we can help you with your next assignment.

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Proofed Paper: ntp172089 - Tue Jan 3 23:19:28 EST 2017

Correct your title page. Please use this guide to help you to set up

your title page in correct APA style:

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Proofed Paper: ntp172089 - Tue Jan 3 23:19:28 EST 2017

The title should be centered at the top.

The first sentence of a paragraph should be indented.

There is no clear thesis statement.

Your thesis should present the

societal problem, your solution to

that problem, and the ethical

outcomes your solution may have

on society and culture. This thesis

should be persuasive in nature,

which means it states what you are

trying to get your reader to believe.

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Proofed Paper: ntp172089 - Tue Jan 3 23:19:28 EST 2017

A paragraph should be more than a

single sentence. Can this be

added to a different paragraph?

Can you expand on the ideas this

sentence introduces?

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Proofed Paper: ntp172089 - Tue Jan 3 23:19:28 EST 2017

I have yet to see you discuss the

societal problem with foreign policy or a


There seem to be very few

citations. Be sure you are putting

quotation marks around direct

quotes and are using in-text

citations for both direct quotes and

sections of paraphrasing.

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Proofed Paper: ntp172089 - Tue Jan 3 23:19:28 EST 2017

Capitalize the first word of the subtitle.

Book titles should be in italics.

Please properly format your Reference page. Your citations need to be in alphabetical order and

use hanging indents. For help formatting your references page, visit:

Also, be sure that your sources are formatted properly. For help with formatting your reference list,

visit here: or see these samples:

For help creating a handing indent for each of your sources, see this video:

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