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Running head: EFFECTS OF COMMUNICATION ON MARITAL SATISFACTION 1

The Effects of Communication Styles on Marital Satisfaction

Hannah Yager

University of West Florida

EFFECTS OF COMMUNICATION ON MARITAL SATISFACTION 2

Abstract

The differences in communication styles between men and women have been a

topic of interest in the research world for many years. These differences may lead to

miscommunication, conflict, and even dissatisfaction between couples. This study

analyzes the communication styles among genders, more specifically among married

couples. It questions how differences in communication styles between married couples

married five years or less affect marital satisfaction. The study will be conducted

through the use of an interaction analysis. Its goal is to increase the amount of

knowledge regarding effective communication and how it relates to marital satisfaction

in order to ultimately aid in the rise of marital satisfaction and the decrease of the

divorce rate in the United States.

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Today, divorce has become a very common part of life, and it is likely that

ineffective communication plays a crucial role in the failure of many marriages.

Communication may lead to the success of a marriage or to its detriment, depending on

its level of effectiveness. This effectiveness of communication is likely connected to the

overall satisfaction of married couples and is worthy to be studied in order to increase

marital satisfaction.

Learning more about the differences in communication styles between men and

women will aid in the more successful sending and receiving of messages, both verbal

and nonverbal. For example, a woman may communicate in a way that has meaning to

her. However, the man receiving the message may interpret it differently than she

intended due to their differences in communication style. This can cause conflict and

lead to further problems in the relationship. However, if the man decoding the message

were familiar with his wife’s style of communication, he may have interpreted it properly

therefore avoiding a conflict situation. The reverse, when men are communicating to

women, is also true. Husbands and wives are interdependent, and their level of

commitment and desire to maintain a healthy relationship often depends on the other

person (Weigel & Ballard-Reisch, 2008).

Conventional wisdom says that there is no such thing as lack of communication.

A person always communicates something, whether intentional or not. Becoming more

aware of how one’s own self communicates will also aid in more healthy communication

between spouses.

This literature review will discuss nonverbal communication styles, including

flirtation, and conflict communication, including communicated perspective-taking.

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This study will further advance communication research by helping people

discover more about their personal communication styles as men and women and by

helping them communicate more effectively with their partners. In a culture where

marriage is considered a risk, it is crucial to conduct studies that will help further the

knowledge on how to have a successful marriage.

Review of Literature

Nonverbal Communication

To many, nonverbal communication may take a back seat to verbal

communication. It is often overlooked and may be deemed unimportant. However, this

aspect of communication speaks volumes. Nonverbal communication may consist of

looking, smiling, frowning, touching, or expressions of surprise as seen in Weisfeld and

Stack’s research study (2002). Women have been found to exhibit these forms of

communication more often than men. Weisfeld and Stack studied nonverbal behaviors

related to the closeness of a couple and found that women looked at their partners for a

significantly longer amount of time as compared to men. The average length of a wife’s

look was 7.5 seconds while the husband’s was 4.5 seconds. However, while men

express less emotion and nonverbal communication, this may not necessarily mean that

they are not listening when their wives speak to them. For instance, Weisfeld and Stack

theorized that men may show less emotion because they have been taught to dampen

emotions such as anger. When a husband and wife have a disagreement, the situation

can escalate quickly if the husband fully expresses his emotions by becoming violent.

Therefore, it was suggested that many men fail to show emotion in general because

they have trained themselves to be “emotionless” in these conflict situations. Sabatelli,

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Buck, and Dyer (1982) also suggested that this is true. In their study focusing on

nonverbal communication and its relationship to marital complaints, they found that

wives who had husbands who were good communicators tended to have more

complaints about their husbands. Their hypothesis was that because men are expected

to tone down their emotions, having good nonverbal communication skills may be seen

as socially unacceptable to their wives.

It is important to consider who the more effective communicator is so that we can

learn from each other on how to communicate better. Noller (1980) found that there is a

connection between a couple’s marital adjustment and their skill at communication. She

had each participant first take the Marital Adjustment Test (Locke & Wallace, 1959) to

determine their overall marital satisfaction. Then, after the couples’ communication was

studied, the results showed that those with low marital adjustment demonstrated

considerably fewer good nonverbal communications than those with high marital

adjustment. However, the question must be raised: Do couples have a higher marital

adjustment because they have good communication, or do couples have good

communication because they are happy within their marriage?

Women were found to be better nonverbal communicators across several studies

(Noller, 1980; Sabatelli et al., 1982). However, being an effective communicator

involves both encoding and decoding messages. Women have a natural tendency to be

more expressive. Therefore, men were found to make more errors than women when

encoding messages (Noller, 1980). However, it was also found that women were not

better decoders, or receivers of messages, than men. Though it is quite possible that

this was due to the husbands’ poor ability to encode messages effectively. The same

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was found in other studies (Sabatelli et al., 1982; Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2002).

Additional findings by Sabatelli et al. and Koerner and Fitzpatrick also suggest that

familiarity plays a role in how effective nonverbal communication is. In both of their

studies, participants encoded and decoded messages to their partners. The interaction

was recorded and evaluated by judges who attempted to decode the same interactions.

Both studies revealed that the spouses were significantly more skilled at decoding their

partners’ messages, implying that couples may become more successful at interpreting

their spouses’ nonverbal communication over time.

Communication Styles When Flirting. Flirting is often associated with the start

of a couple’s relationship. It is employed when one shows interest in another person or

when one wishes to demonstrate sexual attraction. As demonstrated in Horan and

Booth-Butterfield’s (2010) study, receiving affection is directly related to relational

satisfaction. While giving affection is connected to commitment in a relationship.

However, many may wonder if the act of flirting continues in committed relationships

such as marriage. Is there a reason to flirt within marriage, and if so, how do women

and men differ in their flirtation styles? In Frisby and Booth-Butterfield’s (2012) study on

the purpose of flirtation, they found that a major reason for flirtation within a marriage

was to create a private world between the couple and to motivate sex. They also found

that women were more likely than men to use attentive flirting, in which the woman

shows a great amount of concern for her husband. However in a separate study on

flirtation motivation, men were also found to utilize attentive flirting in order to make their

wives feel beautiful (Frisby, 2009). In concordance with previous research, Frisby found

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that men typically flirt to encourage sex, and women often flirt to focus on attention, fun,

and interest in their spouses.

Another difference in flirtation style may occur due to the differences in the

amount of expressiveness between men and women. Weisfeld and Stack (2002)

conducted a study on nonverbal communication related to the closeness of married

couples. Their research shows that on average, women smile and laugh significantly

more than men. According to the same study, 78% of the spontaneous touches that

occurred during the experiment were initiated by women, demonstrating that women’s

flirtation style is much more animated.

Conflict Communication Styles

One inevitable aspect of any marriage is conflict. We as humans will always have

disagreements that must be resolved, and as men and women, we have many

differences in communication styles. It is possible that these differences are the cause

of conflict situations within marriage. Hanzal and Segrin (2009) found this to be true in

their study of negative affectivity, a personality trait that tends to cause distressing

reactions to negative situations. They found that spouses’ use of harmful

communication styles during conflict was directly related to not only their own marital

satisfaction but also their partners’.

During conflict, husbands and wives may demonstrate positive problem solving,

positive verbal communication, compliance, defensiveness, stubbornness, conflict

engagement, withdrawal from interaction, contempt, anger, fear, sadness, and whining,

as revealed by Gottman and Krokoff (1989). In their study on what makes a marriage

satisfying, they found that the use of these types of communication by certain spouses

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may lead to dissatisfaction in a marriage. For example, defensiveness, stubbornness,

and withdrawal were found to produce marital discontent over time, especially when

exhibited by the husband. Based on this research study, it is evident that marital

satisfaction is more related to negative communication than positive. It was revealed

that, in particular, the wives’ sadness and the husbands’ whining, examples of negative

communication, were both connected to overall marital dissatisfaction. Interestingly, it

was also discovered that spouses were more content in their marriages when the wives

expressed anger during conflict and less content when they expressed fear and

sadness. One explanation for this could be that men respond better when their wives

communicate in similar way as they do such as being direct when expressing

frustration.

Another aspect of conflict communication is partner appraisal, or a spouse’s

perceptions of the other (Sanford, 2006). In Sanford’s study, three types of appraisal

were studied: expectancies for partner understanding, expectancies for partner negative

communication, and negative attributions for partner behavior. He maintained that

based on a spouse’s appraisal of the other, his/her behavior will change. For example, if

the wife expects her husband to be harsh and negative when a conflict arises, she will

begin the argument already in a defensive mode. On the contrary, if she expects her

husband to be accepting and kind, she will act in the same manner. Sanford’s study

found that wives’ expectancies produced within-person behavior change more so than

men’s, implying that women are more susceptible to the effects of their appraisal.

Communicated Perspective-Taking. One way to resolve marital conflict

effectively is for both spouses to see things through the other’s point of view. Kellas and

EFFECTS OF COMMUNICATION ON MARITAL SATISFACTION 9

colleagues (2013) referred to it as perspective-taking. It demonstrates that a person

cares for his/her spouse and is making a conscious effort to resolve any issues. The

research team found that the main way spouses sensed perspective-taking from their

partners was through agreement behaviors such as confirmation, supportiveness, and

taking ownership of faults. However, there were significant differences in how husbands

and wives perceived perspective-taking individually. When husbands observed negative

or unsupportive behaviors from their wives more often, they were less likely to rate them

as understanding their perspectives. When husbands observed attentiveness from their

wives, they were more likely to see them as taking their perspectives. Conversely,

negative behaviors, such as inattentiveness and disagreement, were the only factors

that related to wives’ perceptions about their husbands’ perspective-taking, verifying the

differences in communication preferences between men and women. Overall, this study

demonstrates the great effects of negative communication on the perceptions of

perspective-taking between spouses.

Communication among couples is a topic that has been thoroughly studied.

However, further study of the differences in communication styles between men and

women will lead to better understanding. Specifically, communication among newlywed

couples should be studied in order to learn what may be causing strife early in a

marriage and ultimately lead to better understanding of how to maintain a successful

marriage. Therefore, the following research question is raised.

RQ: How do differences in communication styles between married couples

married five years or less affect marital satisfaction?

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Method

To answer the proposed research question, I would utilize interaction analysis.

The sampling frame would consist of any person who has obtained a marriage license

in Florida within the last five years, which would produce a diverse group of newlywed

people who have varying incomes, careers, and education. To choose the sample,

systematic sampling would be employed. The twenty third name on the list would be

selected and every twentieth name from that point on would be chosen. Forty couples

would be selected.

To begin the study, participants would first be asked to take the Marital

Adjustment Test (Locke and Wallace, 1959) individually and in private to determine their

satisfaction in marriage. In the next part of the research process, three types of

communication would be examined: nonverbal, conflict, and flirtation. To assess

nonverbal communication, couples would be placed in a room that contained a kitchen

and everything they may need to cook a meal. Recipes would be provided and couples

would be asked to make a three course meal with their spouses. The interaction would

be videotaped and transcribed. A coding scheme would be developed based on the

different types of nonverbal cues that occurred. To evaluate conflict communication,

participants would be prompted to tell a story about a time when they experienced a

stressful or tense time in their marriage. Again, the interaction would be videotaped and

transcribed, and the coding scheme would be developed based on the different types of

positive and negative conflict communication that occurred. Flirtation among spouses

would be assessed throughout the entire research process including cooking the meal

and discussing a stressful time in marriage. The data produced would be compared to

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participants’ scores on the Marital Adjustment Test to determine how their

communication style relates to their marital satisfaction.

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References

Frisby, B.B. & Booth-Butterfield, M. (2012). The “how” and “why” of flirtatious

communication between marital partners. Communication Quarterly, 60(4), 465-

480.

Frisby, B.N. (2009). “Without flirting, it wouldn’t be a marriage”: Flirtatious

communication between relational partners. Qualitative Research Reports in

Communicatio, 10(1), 55-60. doi: 10.1080/17459430902839066

Gottman, J.M. & Krokoff, L.J. (1989). Marital interaction and satisfaction: A longitudinal

view. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 57(1), 47-52.

Hanzal, A. & Segrin, C. (2009). The Role of Conflict Resolution Styles in Mediating the

Relationship Between Enduring Vulnerabilities and Marital Quality. Journal of

Familty Communication, 9(3), 150-169. doi: 10.1080/15267430902945612

Horan, S.M. & Booth-Butterfield, M. (2010). Investing in affection: An investigation of

affection exchange theory and relational qualities. Communication Quarterly,

58(4), 394-413. doi: 10.1080/01463373.2010.524876

Kellas, J.K., Willer, E.K., & Trees, A.R. (2013). Communicated perspective-taking during

stories of marital stress: spouses’ perceptions of one another’s perspective-

taking behaviors. The Southern Communication Journal, 78, 326-351. dio:

10.1080/1041794X.2013.815264

Koerner, A. & Fitzpatrick, M.A. (2002). Nonverbal communication and marital

adjustment and satisfaction: The role of decoding relationship relevant

relationship irrelevant affect. Communication Monographs, 69(1), 33-51. doi:

10.1080/03637750216537

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Locke, H.J. & Wallace, K.M. (1959). Short marital-adjustment and prediction tests: Their

reliability and validity. Marriage and Family Living, 21(3), 251-255.

Noller, P. (1980). Misunderstandings in marital communication: A study of couples’

nonverbal communication. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 39(6),

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Sabatelli, R.M., Buck, R. & Dreyer, A. (1982). Nonverbal communication accuracy in

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Sanford, K. (2006). Communication during marital conflict: When couples alter their

appraisal, they change their behavior. Journal of Family Psychology, 20(2), 256-

265. doi: 10.1037/0893-3200.20.2.256

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