Revise Essay


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Table of Contents -- Course Reader -- English 1A – Fall 2019 Course Syllabus 2 Revision Process 6 Sample Formatting Page 7 Sample Process Letter 8

1. Inductive Analysis Essay (4-5 pgs.) 50 points Page Essay Prompt 9 Nature by Ralph Waldo Emerson 10 “The Transparent I” by William Fitzgerald (Sample Essay) 11 2. Deductive Analysis Essay (6-7 pgs.) 100 points Page Essay Prompt 14 “Seeing” by Annie Dillard 15 An Outline of the Essential Key Points of Dillard’s Essay 22 Sample Paragraphs for writing about “Seeing” 24 3. Personal Essay (4-6 pages) 25 points Page Essay Prompt 25 “Haudenosaunee Thanksgiving Address” 27 The Pledge of Allegiance 30 “Allegiance to Gratitude” by Robin Wall Kimmerer 31 “Learning the Grammar of Animacy” by Robin Wall Kimmerer 36 4. Research Essay (8-10 pgs.) 200 points Page Essay Prompt 41 Sample Prospectus 44 Sample Annotated Bibliography 45 Sample Outline for a Possible Approach to Writing the Research Essay 46 “The Impermanence of Order: The True Nature of Gardens” by William Fitzgerald 47 Basic Outline for “The Impermanence of Order” by William Fitzgerald 51 “Gardening Means War” by Michael Pollan 53 “The How-To Garden” by Jim Nollman 57 5. Group Presentation Page Group Presentation Prompt 67

Sentence Combining Page Sentence Patterns 68 Clause/Phrase Review 69 Sentence Focus 71 Coordination 77 Conjunctive Adverbs and Transitional Phrases 78 Subordination 80 Run Together Sentences (RTS) 83 Free Modifiers: Adjective Clauses 85 Free Modifiers: Noun Phrase Appositives (NPA) 91 Free Modifiers: Clause Modifying Verbal Phrases (CMVP) 94 Free Modifiers: Absolute Phrases 97 Correlative Conjunctions 100 Fragments 101 Faulty Parallel Structure 103 Punctuation 104 PIE Paragraph Structure 109 Quoting, Paraphrasing, and Summarizing vs. Plagiarism 110

MLA - Format for Bibliographical Sources Page Citing Sources In-Text: Contextualizing Sources 112 The Mechanics of In-Text Citations 116 Citing Sources in Your Essay as You Move Between Different Sources 119 Punctuating when Using Quotation Marks 119 Italicizing Titles vs. Using Quotation Marks 119 Formatting the Works Cited Page 121 Works Cited: Printed Sources 122 Works Cited: Sources from the Web 128 Works Cited: Other Common Sources 131

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English 1A (CRN 71261-502) — Fall 2019 Tuesday Evenings 6:10 pm – 10 pm (Art 311)

Instructor: Nathan Wirth | Phone: 415.239.3199 (best to use email) | Email: [email protected] | Office: Art 213

Office Hours: Mondays and Tuesdays 5 pm to 6 pm and By Appointment Prerequisite for the course: Completion of English 96, 88, or 88b with a C or better or placement in English 1A

Course Website on Canvas:

Important Dates Last Day to Drop Without a "W": Sep. 6 | Last Day to Withdraw: Nov. 7 | Final Exam Date: Dec 17

Holidays: Jan 21, Feb 18, March 25

Required Texts & Materials A Reliable Internet connection for Canvas Course Reader (Download from Canvas)

The Botany of Desire by Michael Pollan (NOT available in Bookstore) Major Learning Outcomes Outcome 1: Analyze university-level texts. Outcome 2: Compose research-based, organized essays that are driven by an arguable thesis and employ critical thinking. Outcome 3: Apply the major conventions of standard written English. Outcome 4: Choose and integrate credible sources for support, using appropriate citation format. Course Description This course is, first and foremost, a class about writing. We will consider a variety of strategies for combining clauses and phrases (adjective clauses, noun phrase appositives, verbal phrases, absolute phrases), practice ways to focus sentences more clearly, discuss how to develop and cultivate a thesis, and go over the basic elements and strategies for writing a research paper (citing sources, integrating quotations, doing research, etc.). We will also, as a class and in groups, be discussing the various texts and articles that you will be reading during the semester. Naturally, any class that focuses on writing and reading also inevitably leads to thinking. This course is designed to take you through a variety of experiences, perspectives and written assignments that will help you to build a well-rounded understanding of the various questions that will be posed during this course and then to write about them. Logging into Canvas • Log into Canvas from MyCCSF: • Username: Your CCSF ID (example W12345678, @12345678, or D12345678) • Password: Your RAMID password In order to take this class, you must have reliable access to the Internet. All homework-related assignments

and essays must be uploaded to Canvas, so if you do not have access to the site, you will not be able to submit your work. You must download and print the course reader, which contains all of the assignments and handouts for the

semester. You are required to bring the course reader to every class. It can be found on Canvas. Lab Hours Requirement • The English Department require all 1A students to complete the online library research tutorials. • Failure to complete ALL the tutorials and/or turn in the badges to prove you have completed them will result in

no participation points (a loss of 25 points). Essays/Written Work/Assignments/ Formatting: All written work (except for rough drafts and notes) must be typed and double spaced. If you don't follow the proper formatting, I will return the paper to you. It is essential that you meet the minimum required page limit. If you do not, then points will be deducted from your essay. You are always welcome to write more than the minimum. Here are my basic, standard formatting guidelines. • Set the margins of your document to 1 inch on all sides. • Use Times New Roman 12 pt. • Pages must be numbered. Place the number in the top right corner. Omit the number on the first page.

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• Indent the first line of paragraphs five spaces from the left margin. • Include a title • Staple the pages. • Underline your thesis statement. • No large gaps between paragraphs.

Quizzes: There will be four reading quizzes for The Botany of Desire. Check Canvas for dates and other details. Assignments: You will be given several essential assignments for your research paper (including, for example, a prospectus and an annotated bibliography). Details are available on Canvas and in the course reader. Process Letters: For each formal essay, you are required to include a brief letter that outlines the difficulties and successes you experienced while working on your essay. Your letter should be a short reflection (a) about your experience writing your essay. What did you struggle with? What problems did you encounter? How did you overcome them? What do you feel satisfied about? Any concerns that you want me to address when I read your essay? The pedagogy behind this is to allow each student the opportunity to actually think about his / her writing process and to reflect on what each student does or does not do when writing. You can find a sample in the course reader. Group Presentations: Instead of a final exam, you will be participating in a group project that will be presented either on December 10th or December 17th. All students must attend both class meetings. Revisions: You have the option to rewrite the first two essays (unless you receive an A). For your rewrite, you must include a detailed analysis of the changes that you made (e.g. what was the mistake? what did you do to change it?). Each rewrite, if done well, can earn up to a full grade; however, in order to earn that many points, your rewrite must be significantly improved and include detailed notes about the changes you made. Specific details are available in the course reader and will be discussed in class. • If your first two essays do not meet the standards and requirements for a passing essay, you will have to meet

me during an office hour to discuss strategies for fixing those issues. Failure to rewrite the essay within three weeks after I return the essay will result in a failing grade for that essay (which means that you will not be able to pass the course).

Plagiarism: Here is the official CCSF policy on plagiarism: "Plagiarism is defined as the unauthorized use of the language and thought of another author and representing them as your own." Plagiarism is a violation of the rules of student conduct, and discipline may include, but is not limited to," a failing grade in an assignment, test, or class in proven cases of cheating or plagiarism or other academic dishonesty.” • My official policy is that you will receive a failing grade for the assignment (0 points for the assignment). At

my discretion, I sometimes offer a plagiarizer the opportunity to rewrite the essay for an F with points (e.g. 55/100). If you should plagiarize a second time, then you will receive a failing grade for the essay and, as a result, for the class.

• My official thoughts about Plagiarism: I feel that plagiarizing is exceptionally lame. Why bother going to school if you have no intention of doing your own work? If you are stressed out about your writing, just come talk to me and we can discuss your situation.

Staying on Task: It is essential that you read the essay and assignment prompts carefully. Any essays that do not follow what the prompt specifically asks for will be returned ungraded. I will read them after you revise them, but they will be considered late. That said— the essays are designed to allow you the opportunity to develop exactly how you wish to address the questions posed, so you can still express your individuality. Late Essays: I will accept late essays, but if your essay is late, I will provide no comments and return it at my convenience (which might take a while). You are NOT allowed to rewrite late essays. All late essays must be turned in no later than two weeks after the due date. Requirements for Passing the Class: All the essays must be completed with a passing grade or you cannot pass the course. No exceptions. Help: I will gladly comment on thesis statements, outlines, or a paragraph or two from your essays via email or during office appointments-- but not on entire essays. Make sure that you have specific questions about specific

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things before you email me or come to an office appointment. You can also get lots of quality help in the English Lab (Rosenberg Library R205) — and your visits to the lab count towards your lab-hours requirement. Bring the course workbook to each and every class. Check the course schedule on Canvas before each class to see

what we will be covering and make sure that you bring the necessary materials to class.

Attendance/Participation/Class Discussion/Teacher-Student Conference Attendance: Let me make this as obvious as possible. Your presence is important both to me and for your success in the course. If you have made vacation plans, have work obligations, can’t attend the final class, and/or have no intention of showing up regularly, then I would not recommend taking this course. Even if you find me and/or the material boring, you still have to come to class; however, if that is how you feel, I would strongly recommend that you find a teacher and/or class more to your liking and schedule. • For a night class, you are allowed one unexcused absence (no questions asked and no consequences for that

absence), but I reserve the right to reduce your participation grade by five points for each subsequent absence. Please note that this is not an invitation to miss a class.

• If you miss three or more classes in a row before the final withdrawal date -- and do not contact me to let me know if you are still in the class— I will drop/withdraw you from the course.

• If you miss a total of five class meetings before the final withdrawal date — I will drop/withdraw you from the course. There comes a point when you are just not really taking the course-- and this, as far as I am concerned, is pretty much when you have arrived at that point.

• You are expected to arrive to class on time and to bring the proper materials (course reader, assignments ... check Canvas for details). If you are late then YOU have to let me know, or you will remain marked absent. Three "lates / tardies" equal one absence.

• Please note that if you miss a class, you are still responsible for all material/assignments covered in class. • I recommend that you exchange email addresses with at least a couple of students so that you can keep up

with anything you might miss in class. Though I will be as helpful as I can, do not rely on me to keep you up to date. I will not respond to emails that ask me what was covered in class. Check Canvas for the latest schedule / due dates / required reading, etc. EVERYTHING is there.

• If life deals one of those many unfortunate situations that we all dread but have to deal with, and, as a result, you have to be absent for a few classes, then please have the courtesy to let me know. I do not need to know the details—just that you are “dealing with something” and, thus, missing classes. I will drop or withdraw you from the class if I have not heard from you after two weeks. Don’t just vanish! Keep in touch and let me know what is going on.

Participation Grade: I base your participation grade on attendance, class participation, and completing the lab work (25 pts). Most students, when attendance is good, receive 21 or 22 points. To get more points you need to participate in discussions. Talking during class while others are speaking (whether it be me or your fellow classmates) will result in a reduced participation grade as well. Class Discussion: This class is built around a lot of class discussion and interaction; therefore, it is important that you take part in class discussions—which means that you must put your best effort towards reading the material and thinking about it. Consistent lack of participation will result in a lower participation score. Teacher-Student Conference: Between November 29th and December 3rd, I will conduct individual conferences with each student. Failure to participate in a conference will result in losing all your participation points. General Class Rules Eating & Drinking in Class: Official school rules prohibit eating in class, so if you spill something, clean up after yourself. Smart Phones & Laptops in Class: I am beginning to accept that some students use their smart phones to access information during class, but I am not entirely convinced yet. Let me say this: if you are far more interested in your smart phone than the class, you should seriously ask yourself why you are bothering to take this course. Do not disrupt the class. If you do, I will ask you to leave and then mark you absent.

 You are adults and I expect you to act responsibly/accordingly.  DO NOT TALK TO YOUR FELLOW CLASSMATES DURING LECTURES OR CLASS DISCUSSIONS!  Do not sleep or do homework during class. If you feel the class is boring and/or stupid, I encourage you to

drop the course and find one that is more interesting to you.

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Other Concerns  Email Addresses: Make sure that you check the email the school has provided you. You can forward your school email to

your regular email account (and that way you won’t miss anything the school sends you). This is the email that I am provided and my only way of contacting you. All mail related to Canvas is delivered to your school email as well.

 This class is rated “R.” From time to time strong language and discussion of adult themes and situations may occur. If these kinds of things offend you, you should consider taking a different course.

 Accommodations: If you need classroom or testing accommodations because of a disability, or have any other special needs, please give me your DSPS form or make an appointment with me as soon as possible. Disabled Students Programs and Services (DSPS) is located in Room 323 of the Rosenberg Library, phone (415) 452 5481

Grade Breakdown (Subject to Change) 70% of your grade • Inductive Analysis Essay 1 (Emerson) = 50 points • Deductive Analysis Essay 2 (Annie Dillard’s “Seeing”) = 100 points • Personal Essay (Kimmerer) = 50 pts • Research Essay (Gardening) = 200 points

20% of Your Grade • In-class Essay = 25 pts • Group Presentation = 25 points • Assignments (Various Points) • Reading Quizzes (Various pts.)

10% of Your Grade • Participation (Attendance + Class Discussion + Online Tutorials + Student-Teacher Conference) = 25 points

The Complete and Detailed Schedule for the Class Is on Canvas

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Revision Process

If your grade is below passing, then disregard this process. You must meet with me in person so that we can discuss your rewrite. It is your responsibility to make this appointment.

Turn in a printed copy of the rewritten essay to me – Do Not Upload Rewrites to Canvas

This exercise in revision is not just a process of fixing the corrections or responding to the comments I made. Treat this as a revision of the essay as a whole. Think about how you can improve or tighten up your points/writing. In other words, this is a revision of the whole essay. As you revise your essay keep notes about the changes you have made to your essay. I need to know WHY you made EVERY change. Note: Because Nathan marked it / told me to is not an acceptable reason. If I asked you a question or commented about something you wrote, I expect you to address what I said and tell me how and why you fixed it. I want to know what your reasoning is for every change you make. Keep track of these changes on your freshly-printed, revised draft. Go ahead and write on the essay in pencil. (A) Underline / circle the section you have changed in your revised essay and then explain the nature of the problem, how you fixed it, and why your fix has taken care of the problem. The amount of points you are awarded will be based on how detailed your explanations are. If you are going to only make minor changes and / or spend no time explaining this, then do not bother revising the essay. (B) For all sentence related errors—name the error (such as run together sentence, misspelled word, subject-verb agreement, incorrect verb tense, proofreading error, wrong word choice, the sentence fell apart/derailed/too weighty, etc) and then explain what you have done to fix the problem. (C) If it is repetitive problem—such as forgetting to use the right tense or keeping the comma inside the quotation marks or incorrectly formatting your in-text citations— then explain the nature of the error and circle each instance of that error. Do not explain the instance of each error. If you do not follow these requirements, then I will not read your revised essay. The amount of points that you are rewarded will reflect the quality of your rewrite and how detailed your explanations are. In general, your grade will be boosted a half grade or a full grade if you do a good job (for example a C+ will become a B-). If your rewrite significantly improves your essay, then I reserve the right to increase it a full grade (for example, a C could become a B). Provide me a printed copy with your corrections. Do not upload the revision to Canvas. Please Note  If you received an A- or better, then you cannot rewrite the essay.  Only the first two essays of the semester can be revised / rewritten.

If I am not requiring you to rewrite / revise your essay, then don’t bother with this process unless you really want to rewrite your essay and learn something from the process. Anything less will receive no points. Just changing a few quick things will not yield very many points (and might receive no points).

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Sample Format Guidelines for Essays Not a Writing Sample – Just a Formatting Sample


Personal Essay (Solitude)

December 31, 9768

The Eye of Solitude

Since my early childhood days, I have often returned to the Point Reyes National

Seashore, but after moving to Marin County a few years ago, that "often" has been

replaced with "as much as once a week," especially during the winter and spring after a

good rain has settled but the clouds have not yet left. As a child, my family was far too

poor to ever travel, but over several summers we would board the Golden Gate Transit

bus before sunrise, in the dark, and then leave to come home on the final bus, which

would return us to San Francisco in the dark. And thus began a tradition of sorts, one

that stretches back to those early childhood days and looks further forward to whatever

I may encounter in future visits. Now that I live in Novato, a forty five minute drive

away, I visit Drake's Beach each week, camera, neutral density filters, and tripod in

hand so that I can find yet another way to photograph this stretch of beach where land

ends and the sea begins-- or if you wish where the sea ends and land begins-- or,

perhaps, where the land and the sea simply meet, that shoreline bringing to mind the

line on a map where the blue of the water is separated by the color of the land mass.

These are the kinds of thoughts that I often play with as I wait for the seconds to pass

into minutes during the long exposure photographs that I work on each visit. Indeed,

gazing out into the sea, I often find a certain kind of silence, a silence that is experienced

in between the sounds of the sea, a silence that I only find in solitude.

Lately, I have been thinking about what Emerson and Thoreau had to say about

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Overall, I feel like I understand the question and answered it well; however, I really struggled

with my introduction and my conclusion. I know that they are supposed to be like the bookends of the

essay and really tie together my overall points/thesis, but I don’t feel like I fully introduce my essay and I

am not certain if the introduction even really relates to my thesis. I wish I had taken more time with it. I

am not entirely certain if I ever fully figured out exactly what Emerson is saying about solitude. I do,

however, feel that I have a good grasp of Emerson’s main ideas (I am not certain that I adequately

explained his thoughts, and I may have claimed he said things he never actually says in the essay).

I feel confident about my body paragraphs. I worked very hard on trying to write good

transitions between paragraphs and I think most of them are very effective, but I also think a few of them

are a bit too formulaic. I think I did a really good job integrating the sources and finding ways to support

my argument that solitude helps us to understand nature in very human terms. I am used to thinking of

the first sentence of each paragraph as a topic sentence, so it might take me a while to adjust to your

instruction about considering them as points.

I wish I had taken a little more time to revise the essay. I feel good about the writing overall, but

I know that I could have cleaned up and better focused some of the sentences. I’d really appreciate it if

you would comment on the conclusion and let me know if you think I successfully tied together all the

elements of my body paragraphs and my thesis.

I plan to start the next essay even earlier so that I have lots of extra time to proofread and

rethink my sentences (and make sure that all the elements of the essay work together smoothly). I know

every student says that!

Thanks! Miley

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Essay 1: Inductive Analysis Essay -- Emerson (50 pts.) Length: 4-5 pgs. Due Date: Check Canvas Task: Analyze the text of the excerpt from Emerson’s Nature and discuss how the writer explains (a) his experience with nature while in solitude and (b) the spiritual connection that he has with God through nature. • To successfully accomplish this task, you will need to analyze Emerson’s actual language. This is essential. I am

not asking you what your thoughts are about Emerson’s views. I am asking you to analyze what he wrote. • You need to make sure that you analyze the following key elements in Emerson’s essay: a) What Emerson feels is required to achieve the kind of solitude he is discussing. How one can achieve it. b) How our awe for the stars help us to understand what true solitude means. c) How all “natural objects” can fill us with the same sense of awe if we are open to their influence. d) How seeing this way is the way the poet sees. e) How seeing with this sense of wonder is the way many people experience nature when they are children. f) How the “transparent eyeball” passage represents the awe, the willingness to be open to the influence of all “natural objects,” the way the poet sees, the child-like wonder that we can have for nature, and his connection with God through nature.  be very thorough about this (do not skip it). Please note I am not asking you to discuss your views about his thoughts. Your task is to analyze the text (so you will need to summarize, paraphrase and directly quote from Emerson and use your analysis of the text to shape your understanding of how he experiences solitude and nature). And your essay is not only a summary … it is an analysis. Do not write from the perspective of what you think Emerson is trying to say; instead, write from the perspective of what he actually writes and how his observations are interconnected-- and what they, ultimately, lead to.  Audience: Your audience will be familiar with this excerpt, so you should not retell everything that happens in them. Instead, focus on those passages that you choose to analyze. You should summarize, paraphrase and quote those passages that will help you to demonstrate how Emerson describes his experiences with nature in solitude. Do not use “I” or “You.”  Essay Structure: This is an inductive analysis essay, which means you do not begin your essay with the traditional introduction that includes a thesis statement. Instead, you should, after stating the title and the author’s full name, jump right in and start analyzing what Emerson does and how he does it. Your goal is to connect the various elements of his essay and show how he ultimately connects with God through his deep connection with nature. Thus, it makes the most sense to discuss his essay by analyzing these elements in the order he writes them in—your job also including the need to make connections between these elements. Your conclusion must, ultimately and conclusively, state how Emerson’s essay explores his connection with God through solitude and nature. And, very importantly, state your thesis in your conclusion. Think of it this way: this essay form requires you to argue towards your thesis (instead of stating it at the beginning of your essay).  MLA Formatting: (1) When writing about the essay, use the present tense (Example: Emerson explains a certain quality of solitude). (2) In your introductory paragraph, refer to the title of the full essay (Nature) and the author’s full name (Ralph

Waldo Emerson). (3) For the rest of the essay, use the author’s last name (Emerson). Do not repeat his full name again. (4) Once you have mentioned the title, do not mention it again. Do not write “in the essay.” We will know that you

are discussing the essay. (5) For in-text citations / quotations, use the page number in the course reader. You do not need to mention the

author’s last name in the citation because once you have introduced us to the title and the author’s name, we will know that you are only quoting that source because your task is to analyze that essay and that essay only.

(6) Provide a Works Cited page. Here is the correctly formatted bibliographical citation. Pay attention to the italicized titles and the indented second line.

Emerson, Ralph Waldo. Nature. English 1A Course Reader. Edited by Nathan Wirth, Nathan’s Mind Inc., 2019.  Final Draft: Upload your final draft to Canvas. Check the course schedule for due dates and the upload link.  Process Letter: You must also include a process letter, in which you write about your writing process for the essay. Please make this the first page of your document (and it does not count as one of the …