Revise Essay


Please note that the grade above is not your actual grade because you are required to revise the essay. After you revise it, then I will change the grade. You do not have to come see me for your revision (but, if you want to, your are very welcome to do so). Just follow the guidelines below.

--> I am guessing that you researched the essay online and then utilized a lot of what you found. The problem is: that whatever you found does not really analyze the essay by looking at what the actual language says. Too often you leap to what one might think Emerson means-- without making it clear what he is actually writing about. Therefore, I am going to require you to revise this. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT YOU QUOTED PASSAGES THAT RE NOT EVEN IN THE ESSAY IN THE COURSE READER.

--> This is an analysis essay, so your main job is to discuss what Emerson actually says and show how one element leads to the next. It is possible to discuss the implications of what he says, but you need to make it clear you are doing so (for example, with this in might, we can see that Emerson's perspective suggests ...). Equally important, you need to first establish exactly what he says before you can make such an inference-- and not at the expense of the main job-- connecting Emerson's various elements together so that you can show your reader the what and how of what Emerson does in his essay.

--> You are discussing things outside of the order that Emerson does it. Since your task is to analyze what Emerson does and how he does it, you really should follow the order he writes each element. It is definitely possible to discuss it out of order, but in doing so you have to be extra careful to make sure that your reader still sees how each element relates to the other. In this case, your approach is not accomplishing that. Better to revise this and analyze chronologically.

--> Here is a good outline to work from:

(1) Emerson begins by establishing that if one wants to experience solitude, then one needs to leave society and one’s home and go out into nature. (This is the kind of solitude he will experience later in the essay when he writes that he becomes a "transparent eyeball').

(2) He adds that if one wants to truly experience solitude then one should look to the stars, which invoke reverence and awe. He calls the stars “The City of God” -- this implies that God cannot be touched in the heavens – out of reach.

(3) However-- This reverence for the stars can also be experienced in all natural things down here on earth -- if one is open to their influence. Emerson claims that seeing in this way is seeing things poetically.

(4) He also argues that many adults no longer see this way (the way children experienced things). But, again, once can if one is open to the influence of natural things.

(5) This leads to a walk that he takes … and on that walk he connects to nature very deeply … so much so that that he feels a certain exhilaration

(6) This exhilaration leads to the transparent eyeball passage in which he says “all mean egotism vanishes” “he is lifted into infinite space” and he “becomes a transparent eyeball” and he “becomes part and particle of God” -- all of this is seeing things poetically … an eyeball is what we use to see so to become an eyeball implies that he become purely the sense of seeing – to be transparent means you can be seen through and light can shine through you (think of the glass in a pair of glasses). You can do this by pointing out that he is using a metaphor of the "transparent eyeball." He is comparing the intensity of his deep connection to nature to being a transparent eyeball This, in turn, suggests that he becomes part of the landscape, which in turn makes him part of God -- so, ultimately, if one cannot touch God in the heavens / stars – one can connect with him on earth ("plantations of God") if one is open to the influence of all natural objects down here …

(7) Finally-- all of this (solitude --> stars --> awe and reverence --> mind open to the influence --> seeing poetically --> seeing with a similar wonder for nature that we experienced as children --> "transparent eyeball" --> he connects to God) needs to be interconnected in the body paragraphs and spelled out clearly in your conclusion.