final draft

Katie Bojakowski12/17/2014 1:14:39 PM

Hi Nicole,

Please review my comments in the text of your paper. You have a great start to the paper; however, you need to include a lot more in-text citations. You may find it helpful to read over the files I attached to this paper. In the final draft, you are graded much more heavily on appropriate citations.

( 1.54 / 1.75) Organization: Introduction, Thesis Statement, and Conclusion

Proficient - The paper is logically organized with an introduction, thesis statement, and conclusion. One of these requires improvement.


Your thesis statement could have been stronger. A clear thesis statement helps the reader remain focused on the purpose of the paper. This would have helped the overall organization of your draft. Please keep this in mind as you prepare your Final Research Paper.

( 2.20 / 2.50) Discusses How Two Cultures Approach the Topic

Proficient - Provides a reasonably insightful discussion of how two contemporary cultures approach the topic; however, the discussion lacks minor details for one or both cultures.


This is a good start! Your discussion of how each culture approaches the topic provides some important context for your comparative analysis. However, this draft does not quite capture the whole picture. Your Final Research Paper would benefit from the inclusion of more specific details about each culture and the use of specific ethnographic examples.

( 3.00 / 3.00) Compares and Contrasts the Topic Across Two Cultures

Distinguished - Comprehensively compares and contrasts how the two cultures approach the topic. All conclusions are supported by scholarly sources.


Great job! Your analysis demonstrates your understanding of how to strategically employ scholarly sources to support your ideas.

( 1.28 / 2.00) List of Resources

Below Expectations - One resource is listed in the bibliography. The resource may not be cited in the draft.


You have selected appropriate scholarly sources, but you need to make sure you showcase your understanding of the relationship between each resource and your own research topic.

( 0.22 / 0.25) Written Communication: Control of Syntax and Mechanics

Proficient - Displays comprehension and organization of syntax and mechanics, such as spelling and grammar. Written work contains only a few minor errors, and is mostly easy to understand.


Good job! Correct conventions facilitate the reading of the text.

( 0.16 / 0.25) APA Formatting

Below Expectations - Fails to exhibit basic knowledge of APA formatting. There are frequent errors, making the layout difficult to distinguish as APA.

( 0.25 / 0.25) Page Requirement

Distinguished - The length of the paper is equivalent to the required number of correctly formatted pages.

Overall Score: 8.65 / 10.00
Overall Grade: 8.65
    • Posted: 5 years ago
    • Due: 
    • Budget: $45
    Answers 1

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